My boss' voice literally gives me gas
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
