FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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