tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
do nipples grow back?
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