In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
