I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize