cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Drunk is a universal language darling
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
