nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Only a mothe r could love this liver
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
