If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
