You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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