but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
