Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
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I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
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I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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