I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
