I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
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I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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