I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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