I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Randomize
