You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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