i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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