I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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