and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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