He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
