My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
