i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
