I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
