I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
