My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
