# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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