i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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