my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
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