hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
