So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
