I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
