Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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