You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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