when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
