Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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