So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
