all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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