Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
