Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
