The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
