I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
