goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
