I'm gonna have a badass scar
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
