i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
