all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
