i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
