I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
