Im at strip club and am horny
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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