I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
