mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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