...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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