im six kinds of drunk right now
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Found your dick twin last night
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
