Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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