no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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