I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
