Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dignity is for republicans.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
