you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
