dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
