You can't special order awesome
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
