I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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