Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
