Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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