his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I have fence marks all over my body
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
