i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
