if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
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i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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