did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
