I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
