I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
