Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
