New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
