Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
