Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
